Tuesday, March 21, 2017



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When you see me, what do you see? Who do you see?

It’s hard to tell if you’ve only seen my smiling pictures, or even if you’ve only seen me once, at a specific time or at certain situation.

See, I’ve come to realize that, with social media, people come to a point where they either idealize a person, a persons life, or believe everything they see is either fake, made up, filtered, and unrealistic.

None extremes, like all extremes, are correct, but please, correct me if I’m wrong.

See, I have a hard time hiding my emotions, pretending to feel something I’m not feeling, pretending to like something if I don’t or smiling when I simply can’t.

Call me selfish, call me weak, but, what you see is what you get. 

Since I was little I had a hard time understanding how, at many times, you had to be “fake” or be someone you’re not,  play pretend or kiss a**, in order to be accepted, to avoid getting in trouble or being judged.

See, I like to see it and consider myself transparent, and that, as much of a positive trait, can also have negative results or unexpected misunderstandings.
Because what a straight face or a smirk means or represents to you, or where it comes from, might be interpreted in a complete different way, considering everyones perspectives, own feelings and sensitivity.

Being transparent is how and the only way I know how to go about things, and that doesn't make me any better or worse, in a way, it has more of a negative side, it makes you vulnerable, it can be a double ended knife, exposing you and constantly leaving you outside a safe and comfort zone.

I can be mysterious, unpredictable, reserved, but like a child, I can be easily read. 

What you see is what you get: raw, real.

Transparency merely refers to the quality of being upfront and forthright. Vulnerability refers to something much more sacred and significant, as it involves exposing the tender places of one’s soul. When we say someone is being transparent, we mean they’re not attempting to hide anything. When we say someone is being vulnerable, though, there’s inherent risk involved, an extension of trust that leaves open the possibility that the vulnerable person may be hurt.

See, I believe, (and I can be perfectly twisted and mistaken), but, I always felt I had a sensitive eye, intuition and gut feeling for those who appeared to be someone they’re not. I read between the lines, noticed distinct behaviors or was driven by vibes, but I (almost) always spotted what for me wasn't a completely "real" or transparent person. And don't get me wrong, you don't necessarly have to be incredibly blunt or direct or tell me your whole life, but there is something else, something you can't quite explain, and when you know, you know. 
Somehow they got away with everyone else, but I always knew that something wasn’t real, something was off, they weren’t as nice or honest as they appeared.
And I was never able to handle or accept that.
But who am I to ask anyone for anything and how selfish and absurd of me to have expectations like these.
 I'll be honest, I expected everyone else to be as open, honest and transparent, as if it were the only way to be. And part of the reason is I felt transparency had much more to do with loyalty and faithfulness than anything. And that to me is one of, if not the most important aspect in a person.
Be grumpy, have a bad temper, don't be the sweetest or most charismatic, be quiet, be reserved, lack patience, forget my birthday, but please, be transparent, be honest, be loyal, be true.

Let’s be real, let’s be raw, let’s be who we are (even if we are yet to figure that out), let’s be the most me and you, you and me, whatever it is that is, whoever it is that is, and let’s see within, let’s look beyond, let’s look at each others eyes, speak without words, be what we feel, feel what we feel and say what we think. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Even Dr. Seuss tried teaching us: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

The problem with transparency is as simple as wearing transparent clothing. Something as basic as that, Transparency is intentionally baring your soul to the world by showing your true self to others.  Most people hide their essence in fear of rejection, lack of self-confidence, broken-hearted, or lack of fulfillment in life; there are many reasons a person will hold back who they are.

I see transparency as freedom, freedom and permission to yourself. Each persons essence is so unique. It's our power, our gift and if we all showed our true colors, don't you think we'll all be less afraid, less exposed and less allowed to judge each other rather to see and accept, learn from and embrace each other? Let's let each other be.

Of course as usual I am drifting into what seems like a cliche self help book but, what can I say, it all depends on how you want to see this.

There are enough actors and movies to watch, if you’re going to be judged, at least be judged for something you did, felt, and genuinely did. Let’s be brave enough to give what there is, show what we can and be who we are.

See now, when you see that I don’t upload a picture, a post or disappear, its merely and only because I don’t have anything positive to share or to inspire you with. But that you’ll read more, and really in depth about on my next post, where I’ll get naked (without taking my clothes off) if you know what I mean...

Always a fun and raw time with my old friend, Fernanda De la Puente.

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Pictures by: SANDRA ARENAS